Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
