This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
