so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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