my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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