absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
