i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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