ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
