You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
