I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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