Apparently you make a good broom.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
