I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
