He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
