Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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