You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
