Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
