My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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