I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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