Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
