Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick

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(720): View more from Colorado

My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?

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(312): View more from Illinois

Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?

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(315): View more from New York

Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect

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(410): View more from Maryland

I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to

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(562): View more from California

So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.

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