Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
