I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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