I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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