It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize