I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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