woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
