Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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