Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
