last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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