Define "chronic" masturbator.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
