Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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