nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
