My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
