i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's just like the Real World with babies
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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