First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
