I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I cannot find my penis.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
