I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
