i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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