Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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