I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize