I puked a lego.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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