don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize