He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
