This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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