I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We talked him into tasing himself.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
