I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
