Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
