shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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