It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
