Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
