I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
