That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize