I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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