Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
