where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What changed your mind?
Being sober
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
