Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
