I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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