I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
