you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
