I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
