Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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