My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
