It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Welp...herpes.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
