Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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