Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
