why didn't you poke me back
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize