there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
