Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
please come you make the beer taste better
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
