There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
