You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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