she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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