Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
