Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
