think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
