just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The power of my boobs compel you
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
