dude i'm inner monologue high
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
