I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
