i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize