So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
