I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
